


Pervs on Drugs

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, baekluvr69, cbx and their frog nerd antics, praying my teacher doesn't read exo fanfiction bc i stole his life events for this, smugglings frogs on planes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27659351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Infamous trio chenbaekxi are just trying to get to the poison dart frog convention on time. They didn't expect that they'd have to smuggle frogs onto a plane.
Kudos: 6
Collections: the general adventures





	Pervs on Drugs

Baekhyun couldn’t stop sweating as they waited in line for the security check. 

“Dude, they won’t know we’re lying, right?”

“Baek, I highly doubt airport security is going to know the difference between tree frogs and poison dart frogs. Even Jongdae here has trouble with it, so I’m sure they’ll believe us when we tell them,” Minseok said reassuringly, placing a steady hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder to stop him bouncing nervously on his feet.

“Yah, I’m not the one who thought Ella was a Colostethus when she’s clearly an Epipedobates!” Jongdae snapped.

“That was one time and I was fucking tired, ok!”

“Stop arguing you imbeciles, they’re waving me up,” Baekhyun interrupted dramatically, his voice wavering at the end. He walked forward and lugged his bag onto the table.

“I hope you understand that we’re only doing this because we had to tighten airport security after recent incidents,” the uniformed man said, repeating his rehearsed sentence. He was tall and had weirdly large ears. Baekhyun carefully pulled out each of the bio containers. 

“I’m going to need you to open it up so we can check under the moss and the paper towel.”

Baekhyun darted a fearful glance to Minseok, but he was too busy pulling out his own containers. 

“Tree frogs are very sensitive to temperature changes and being handled. Please, it’s too dangerous for the frogs to remove them here,” Baekhyun pleaded, turning his puppy eyes up to the max. It seemed as if the man considered giving in for a moment, but in the end he didn’t budge. Baekhyun sighed and carefully opened the container because it seemed he had no other choice, and prayed to all the gods above that the frogs, his babies, could handle it just this one time. Thankfully, Minseok had taken the most sensitive ones, including the baby frogs and Ella, who was now pregnant. Minseok was better with the frogs, having done this for longer, but it was his first time flying with them. Jongdae’s and Baekhyun’s first time too.

It was a painful and terrifying hour that really felt like five hours of taking each frog out, just long enough that the man, Chanyeol (as his name tag read), could check the bio containers. Yeah security was important but come on, they were just trying to transport their frogs! Not even dangerous frogs, because while they were called poison dart frogs, these were born into captivity and therefore never produced toxins. Having finally been cleared, he regrouped with Minseok and Jongdae in the boarding area where Minseok asked them if everything had gone smoothly.

“All the frogs are still alive, so I’d say it’s a major success!” Jongdae smiled, “You’re sure the settings are right? It’s ok to put them into cargo?” 

While the two of them double checked the temperature and humidity settings of the containers, Baekhyun looked over their schedule again. Board at Seattle, get down in Detroit, then board a plane in Detroit and get down in New York. If everything went according to plan, they would make it just in time for the frog convention. He tipped his head to the ceiling and took some deep breaths. His first frog convention. Alright, he could do this!! He pumped his fist to hype himself up. 

And then they waited. It was 9:00 AM already and they should’ve started boarding by now. A group of airport personnel ran past him, carrying various stools and pieces of stairs. Jongdae decided to take matters into his own hands and found a uniformed woman standing in front of the window, observing the setup of the boarding passage. 

Baekhyun watched them talk. When Jongdae came back, he nodded his head towards a boy who looked to be about their age sitting in a wheelchair near the boarding area. Somehow, none of them had noticed him earlier. “They didn’t know there was gonna be a handicapped person so they have to set up the special accommodations to get him on.”

Minseok groaned and flopped back onto the uncomfortable seats. 

“Sit here Baekhyun, we’re going to go over everything you need to know for selling again.”

Baekhyun was more than happy to oblige. The more prepared he was, the better! This would help calm his nerves too, and so they spent the next 30 minutes reviewing each species, their unique points, and pricing ranges while Jongdae fiddled around on his phone playing 2048. 

\---

“Group number one, please come forward for boarding at Departure Gate A2.”

The trio quickly got up and began arranging their luggage. 

“Sweet! About time,” Baekhyun heard someone exclaim, and he turned around to see the boy in the wheelchair _fucking stand up_ . The airport personnel were horrified, he was horrified, everyone was horrified because what the _fuck_?! 

“You can walk?!” Baekhyun screeched before he could even stop himself. The boy turned to him, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Of course I can walk! I just sat here because someone left the wheelchair and it looked comfortable. Why, is there a problem?”

_Is there a problem? Is there a problem?? Of course there was a fucking problem!!_

“Everyone is late because of you!” a woman next to him yelled.

Jongdae pushed Baekhyun towards the boarding line, seemingly calm, but from his firm grip Baekhyun could tell he was fuming. They heard the stupid boy arguing with some of the other passengers, saying it wasn’t his fault that no one had asked him before assuming and making preparations. Baekhyun was pissed, and by the looks of it, so was Minseok. He watched Minseok’s hand make a fist, nails digging into his palms. Yep, that was going to leave little crescent-shaped imprints. 

“It’s ok guys, calm down, there’s no use getting worked up over something we can’t control,” Jongdae told them once they were in the air. They’d taken the aisle seats so they could sit in a row. 

“What do you mean, calm down? It’s gonna take forever for us to get through security again at Detroit and then we’ll be late to the convention and they won’t let us in and everything will be ruined and-”

“Baekhyun! Calm down!” Jongdae said more forcefully.

“Well, what should we do then?!” Baekhyun hissed. 

Just great, it wasn’t even 10 minutes into the flight and they were already getting weird stares from everyone. He slumped further into his seat, arms crossed. He wanted to choke that idiot kid with his bare hands. Well, that was an exaggeration, but he did want to smack him.

They were silent for a few minutes, Baekhyun wondering if he should take a nap, Jongdae trying to choose a movie, and Minseok, the only useful one, trying to think of what they could do to make it to the convention on time. One could practically see the gears churning in his head.

“Alright, listen up you two, I have an idea and if you cooperate, we can make this work,” Minseok whispered. 

\---

For the second time that day, Baekhyun found himself uncontrollably sweating as they waited in line for the security check. The area under the armpits of his shirt was soaked. He felt a disgusting sweat droplet trickle down his side and shuddered. 

“Dude, you’re sure this will work?”

“I’m praying it will, Baekhyun,” Minseok said, considerably less reassuringly than last time and placing a hand on his shoulder, more for his own comfort than Baekhyun’s. 

Once they’d arrived in Detroit, they’d taken their luggage to the bathroom where they switched out their clothes and other stuff into the cargo bags and placed all the frogs with their bio containers into the carry ons. A few of the frogs would be ok without their containers, according to Minseok, so those were just...thrown into Jongdae’s backpack. By some miracle, no one had come into bathrooms. They’d managed to get the job done as fast as humanly possible. 

He watched with bated breath as Jongdae’s carry on went through the xray. Minseok had been right, the frog’s bones were too small to show up. Fortunately, his and Minseok’s bags weren’t spot checked, so they were able to get all the luggage through with no problems. It was only after they were on the plane again and had taken off, for some reason, that the nerves settled in as well as the gravity of the situation. They were smuggling frogs on a plane! This was a crime! 

Anxiety crawled under his skin as he tried to sit there quietly, one leg on each side of the carry on to keep it steady. Next to him, Jongdae kept opening his backpack, looking inside, closing it, and repeating this process. 

“Dude, get it together! You look fucking suspicious,” Minseok whispered angrily, smacking Jongdae’s arm. Indeed, they were getting many scared glances from the passengers surrounding them. No doubt they thought Jongdae was some kind of terrorist. One woman looked minutes away from calling someone to kick them out. 

“Sorry bro, I just...I’m so scared I feel like they got muddled up in there when that kid bumped into my bag.”

Minseok kicked his shin. Wow, he was violent today. “Then go check it in the bathroom!”

“Ah, good idea,” Jongdae rose from his seat and went to the bathroom with his bag, the eyes of twenty other passengers following him and scrutinizing his every move. But the idiot didn’t close the door properly, it seemed, because two minutes later there was turbulence and the door slammed open. Jongdae made an arc as he leaped out, landing flat on the floor with a resounding thud, a bag on his back and arms clasped in front of him as if in prayer. Everyone including Baekhyun and Minseok watched in horror as Jongdae hurried back to his seat, discreetly slipping a small green and black frog about the size of his pinky into the bag. 

“He jumped out! Thank god my legendary reflexes caught him,” Baekhyun heard him say to Minseok. Jongdae only got another kick to his shin in response. Baekhyun also thought he heard someone whisper if they were on drugs. 

Well, better they think the three of them were on drugs than that they’re terrorists. He released his vice like grip on the seat and took deep breaths to stay calm. It was going to be ok; he repeated to himself, and after another 20 minutes went by without incident, he allowed himself to relax into the seat a bit.

\---

It was around the time the flight attendants began coming out to hand the passengers peanuts. A thin woman with very red lips reached his side soon enough. 

“Oh, there’s a frog on your shoulder!” she said, and in that moment Baekhyun felt his veins turn to ice and his blood run cold. He felt like he’d been submerged under tons of blankets, like he was suffocating. One of the frogs had gotten out and now they were going to arrest him for smuggling poison dart frogs onto a plane and he was going to jail and he was small and too pretty and only 18, he wouldn’t fucking survive in jail!! And did they give inmates one phone call? Could he call out of the country? What would his parents think if their only son got arrested because of a frog convention? Most importantly, would they have the orange kind of prison outfits or the black and white stripes?? Because he’d look better in the orange.

In what felt like slow motion, he looked down at his left shoulder where she’d pointed and saw not a frog, but a _print_ of a frog. A print of a strawberry dart frog because he’d specifically chosen this shirt for that print so he could make a cool and good first impression at the convention. He was an idiot. 

“Are you alright?” the flight attendant asked him, because all the blood had probably drained from his face and he was sure he looked petrified.

“Haha, don’t mind him, he’s just a bit nervous because it’s his first time flying,” Minseok said warmly, even though it was more like his 10th time flying but bless Minseok for trying to cover up. At this, her face changed to one of sympathy instead of concern.

“Aw, you poor thing, it’s ok. Don’t be scared!” she told him, trying to cheer him up. Baekhyun managed a smile and a thanks before she walked away, leaving his face burning. The moment she was out of earshot, Minseok burst into quiet laughter and Jongdae snorted. 

“You fucking idiot! That was hilarious,” and in response, Baekhyun smacked Minseok’s arm. Lord, he hoped at least the rest of the flight would go smoothly. But how very wrong he was, for he’d only managed a short nap and when he awoke again, there was another flight attendant coming down the aisle, offering everyone drinks.

A drink sounded great, actually, because scare after scare had left his throat dry and parched. If one of their frogs was in his throat, it would be dead. Then he began to imagine what it would feel like to have one of the frogs in his throat. Just as he concluded that it would be a weird feeling, the woman was next to him. Jongdae and Minseok said they didn’t need anything, but Baekhyun was craving ginger ale, which fortunately they had. 

“Thank you,” he smiled, taking the glass from her, and at that moment, like the world was working against him, her elbow accidentally bumped into the glass as she was turning around and the cold ginger ale spilled all over his jeans and seeped into the fabric. 

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen!”

He just nervously chuckled, “It’s alright.”

“Do you have a change of clothes in your bag? Again, I’m so terribly sorry.” The poor woman looked near tears.

“Really, it’s ok, I have some change of clothes.” He bent down to unzip his bag when he remembered that no, he did not have a change of clothes in his bag. He had frogs in his bag, and the clothes were in the cargo right now. Baekhyun quickly sat back up. 

“Aren’t you going to change?” She asked, concerned. And Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, he’d just woken up and everything was going wrong and he’d just wanted some ginger ale goddammit and now he had to come up with a reason for why he wasn’t going to change that wasn’t telling her about the frogs? In retrospect, he could have easily told her that in fact no, he did not have clothes, he’d just forgotten that fact, but his stupid, asinine brain blurted out something that Minseok and Jongdae bully him for to this very day.

“I kinda like it,” he said, loudly because he was scared and when he got scared, he got loud. The moment the words left his mouth, Minseok inhaled a sharp breath, and Baekhyun regretted. The flight attendant’s face twisted into one of fear as she let out a shaky laugh and moved on. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at the other passengers, he just wanted to cover his face with his hands and disappear. Instead, he stared straight ahead at the back of the seat in front of him, wondering what he had done to deserve this. 

Now, everyone surely thought they were perverts. And on drugs. Pervs on drugs. 

\---

“First time flying, eh? And you _kinda like_ having wet pants?” Jongdae said, mocking him as they walked down the passageway into the airport. He had found this whole situation to be very amusing, considering how he was currently doubled over in laughter and wiping tears from his eyes.

“Shut up,” Baekyun muttered, blood rushing to his face again. Good god, he didn’t think he could live this one down. 

It was only when they’d arrived outside the convention center, frogs loaded onto a cart that they could roll in, that the three really felt themselves relax. Minseok slung an arm over each of their shoulders. “We did it, my dudes. We smuggled the frogs!” 

They had indeed managed to smuggle the frogs, something Baekhyun had never thought he would need to do, and without getting arrested! Selling them at the convention felt like a piece of cake after that fiasco. 

“Drinks on me tonight!” Baekhyun announced.

Jongdae smacked him in the head, “You do one illegal thing and you think you can get away with more? You’re not old enough!” 

Baekhyun just laughed. It was only 3 pm, and it already felt like it’d been two days. That was one hell of a morning, but what else should he expect? After all, they were three pervs on drugs. 

fin. 

**Author's Note:**

> you may imagine the wheelchair kid as sehun. if ur here, thank you for reading <3


End file.
